Guidelines of Important Things to Do When You Have Lost a Loved One

by Tom Golden
Virgil T. Golden Funeral Service

Salem, Or

In addition to making funeral arrangements, here are some guidelines to make sure that
the important things to be done can be in a checklist format for review.

One immediate item is writing an obituary. Here is a helpful  2 min. video on How to Write an Obituary. Here at Virgil T Golden Funeral Service, we assist you with an obituary for both local and out of state newspapers.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uZEPaC4974 )

 Listed below are some guidelines that you may find helpful. VIRGIL T. GOLDEN FUNERAL SERVICE will contact some of these organizations for you. If, in reviewing this information you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact us. We are here to help.

1. Notify your attorney for legal advice and for handling of the will and/or estate.

2. Notify your insurance company. They will require the following:
a. Certified copy of the death certificate.
b. Insurance policies and numbers (get receipt for policy).
c. Social Security number.

3. Contact the Social Security Office for benefits, to change records and to stop automatic deposit of Social Security checks. The telephone number is:          1-800-772-1213
The Salem office is located at 530 Center Street NE, Suite 530, Salem, Oregon.
The mailing address is P.O. Box 149, Salem, Oregon 97308.

4. If you are the spouse of a Veteran, contact the county Assessor’s office in the county in which you reside. There may be a reduction in taxes. They will need the following information.
a. Certified copy of the death certificate.
b. A copy of the marriage license.
c. A copy of Honorable Discharge.

In Marion County, contact the Marion County Assessor’s Office at
      503-588-5144

In Polk County, contact the Polk County Assessor’s Office at
      503-623-8391

5. Contact the deceased’s employer or union to ascertain if there are any benefits or
pensions to which you are entitled.

6. Contact bank and savings and loan establishments to inform them of the death and of any change in records. They will also require a copy of the death certificate in some cases. They may make a photocopy of a certified copy of the death certificate in their office, but they will not accept a photocopy that you bring in.

7. Contact any organization to which the deceased belonged. There could be insurance payable upon death of a member.

8. Contact the Department of Motor Vehicles to change ownership records. They will require proof of death.

9. If the deceased was ever employed by the railroad, contact the Railroad Retirement at 877-772-5772. Or you may contact them by mail at: 1220 S.W. 3rd St., Portland, Oregon 97204.

10. Contact the Veterans Administration for additional benefits other than burial plot in a National Cemetery and marker allowances. These two benefits have already been filed on your behalf by Golden’s.

11. Copies of the death certificate may be needed for stocks and other assets. You should contact your broker. The Internal Revenue Service will require proof of death for income tax records. If you find that you need additional certified copies of the death certificate, we can assist you in ordering them.

12. Should you need further acknowledgement cards for the special help people gave you, simply call and we will be glad to furnish more for you.

It will take time to contact these people and they do not all have to be contacted immediately. Again, if you have any questions, or if we may be of any assistance, please do not hesitate to contact us. We are here to be of service.

Virgil T. Golden Funeral Service
605 Commercial St. SE, Salem, Oregon 97301
503-364-2257
v.t.golden@hotmail.com

Grieving During Mothers Day

by Tom Golden
Funeral Director/Owner
Virgil T. Golden Funeral Service

If you have lost a mother over the past year Mother's Day may bring on a reminder of the grieving that started with losing her. The devastating experience at your time of loss is strongest during the first year, but time and going through the process of grieving will start to heal the pain. 

There is an Irish saying that we placed on an image and posted on one of our Facebook pages for sharing grief, and this applies especially to our mothers, with who we will always have a special bond.

 A nationally known grief expert Edy Nathan MA, LCSW, offers ten tips to remember Mom with peace and also has a video (below) about celebrating her life and integrating good memories into your life. 

•   Celebrate the day and enjoy the appreciation of your current family members



•     Continue to buy a card for your mother and express what you truly want to say to your mom and reconnect in a way that is meaningful to you. Just because your mom is gone, your attachment or connection to her will be part of who you are. You will internalize your mom into your thoughts as an element to help you navigate through life.



•     Buy yourself flowers that were favorites of your mother and remind yourself of her memory. Share one or more of these flowers with people in your life who you love and appreciate.



•     Celebrate the memories of your mother by sharing the stories with others



•     Focus on taking care of yourself and any dependents that you have. If people or commitments stress and exhaust you and are not absolute necessities, take a break from them this week until after Mother's Day is over.



•     Seek out trusted people who support and nurture you.



•     Join a local bereavement group, especially MeetUp.com that offers many opportunities to speak to like-minded individuals who are trying to navigate through the grief process



•     Consider taking a four day “Turning Grief into Grace” Cruise that incorporates self-help workshops about grief, while you interact with others who cope with loss.



•     Be attentive to your physical needs. Grief is exhausting. When you suffer a loss you may feel foggy, be forgetful and be intensely over-whelmed at even the most minor things. Grief has an impact on the brain. Though temporary, the changed chemistry can last many months. Be patient and gentle with yourself while you heal.



•     Grief is like your fingerprint! No one grieves exactly like you. No one has the right to tell you how fast you should be getting over your grief. Grief is not something one simply ‘Gets Over”! You integrate it into life, The goal for turning Grief into Grace is to “Remember with Peace.”
  (view full news release >) 

published by Virgil T. Golden Funeral Service, Salem, Oregon
www.vtgolden.com
503-364-2257

Grief Support

by Tom Golden
Funeral Director
V.T. Golden Funeral Services


For grief support there are many different groups available to answer your questions. However, when browsing the internet for information, Kristi A. Dyers, M.D., M.S. recommends keeping the following things in mind:

* Check the organization's privacy policy, which will tell you whether information is collected and/or shared.

* Look to see if resources on a site clearly identify the author or source. Users should be able to easily contact those who have created the site.

* Be aware that there are unlicensed, unqualified information providers and resources on the Internet that are working outside of ethical and legal boundaries.

* Do not use web site information and advice in place of the care of a personal physician or counselor.


Here's a local grief support service from Willamette Valley Hospice.

Willamette Valley Hospice is the only non-profit hospice in the mid- Willamette Valley.

Wvh.org    503.363.3891

The mission at Willamette Valley Hospice  is to enhance the quality of life for terminally ill persons and their families, to provide bereavement support for the caregivers and families of our patients and members of the community, and to educate the community about end of life philosophy and programs.

Our Bereavement Department provides support through  individual counseling,  groups, a summer camp for children, memorial services two times a year, and informational talks throughout the community.

Grief is a universal phenomenon, but a very personal experience. Grief involves many different emotions, actions and expressions, all of which helps a person come to terms with the loss of a loved one. It can go on for many years.

Mourning is the outward expression of loss and grief. Mourning includes rituals and other actions specific to each person’s culture, which is broadly defined.

Children and adults experience grief and mourning differently.

The Bereavement services at Willamette Valley Hospice are designed to help people accept the reality of their loss, adjust to the “new normal” – life without a loved one, and learning how to experience the pain of grief, while reinvesting emotional energy into other relationships, or activities.

Anticipatory grief is what happens when you know there will be a loss, but it has not yet occurred. It is an important part of coping with your loved ones extended illness. Knowing of someone’s terminal illness may be an emotional roller coaster. Know that you may feel sadness, gratitude for the time with your loved one, resentment, joy. Make the best of each moment you can spend with your loved one, take the time to settle affairs, focus on opportunities for forgiveness, if needed, and help make plans for your loved ones passing.  Please do not feel guilty for any emotions you feel.

Complicated grief is grief that is chronic, exaggerated, delayed, or may be masked. It is estimated that 10-20% of bereaved persons experiences complicated grief. If you or a loved one experience complicated grief, please talk with your medical provider, contact a bereavement specialist, or talk to an experienced counselor. With support and assistance, you can feel “normal” again, and your grief will not need to be so disruptive.

Bereavement support gives a message of hope, that you can, someday, get to a place of happiness and joy about what one once had, but is no more.

Virgil T Golden Funeral Service
605 Commercial St SE
Salem OR 97301

503-264-2257

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Virgil T. Golden web site >

SalemCremations.com

Free Online Obituaries

Preplanning Funeral Services and Cremations Guides

Cremation Urns

Thinking Out of the Box - The Non-Traditional Funeral Service

by Tom Golden
Funeral Director
Virgil T. Golden Funeral Services

Many funeral services today are a collaboration of ideas from family members, friends, and creative funeral directors. Most fall under the category of “non-traditional services”. While non-traditional used to be the exception, now we are seeing that they are very common. The celebration of life idea was the most likely the first concept that evolved from a traditional service where a eulogy may have been read rather than a song celebrating the life of the loved one.

Non-traditional services are appealing for a variety of reasons. The generation of baby boomers that is either managing and planning a service for an elderly parent or pre-planning their own, have a different perspective on both life and death, how it was lived, and how it can be celebrated in a unique way. Two attributes of this generation are being adaptive and freedom of choice. This generation is transforming the way funeral homes and their directors, who may be boomers themselves, approach the options that a family wants or asks about for a loved one.

Many creative ideas for services have been shared and become more common for the non-traditional approach.  These options may include a variety of settings, videos, slide shows, favorite music of the deceased, favorite foods at the reception or wake, surrounding a casket with significant items, having a green burial with urns or caskets that are biodegradable, and having cremains - ashes mixed into soil with a potted living tree.

At a service held here at Virgil T. Golden Funeral Services, we helped a family organize the signing of the casket. Pictured above right is the casket where family and friends signed messages and names in various colors. The process allowed anyone who wanted to participate a chance to leave a final farewell message in proximity to their friend or family member. 

One story that we have heard of was of a former cheerleader at UC Berkeley in California. When he passed away at age 80 he had planned for everyone to have a party at the UC Berkeley Basketball Gym. About 100 people showed up, and were surprised when ten members of the UC Cal band marched in playing Cal songs. A UC official spokesperson also gave a talk, and a few friends shared their memories over the microphone. Being a cheerleader, it was easy for him to have preplanned his celebration of life service as a big party, and he wasn’t even a baby boomer, but the prior generation.

At Virgil T. Golden Funeral Services, our funeral directors can provide creative solutions and ideas for a non-traditional service, if that is the choice of the family.

Copyright 2013

published by Virgil T. Golden Funeral Services
Cremations, Funeral Services, and Celebration of Life Events

A New Cremation Urn Concept

by Tom Golden

Virgil T. Golden Funeral Services in Salem, Oregon is now offering an alternative to the traditional cremation urn.

The use of the urn as the cremains of a loved one now can have a living tree growing from the cremains in a special type of urn - Eternitrees.

Eternitrees can be planted at home, at a cemetery, or in a natural setting.

Instead of scattering, the  ashes are now organically involved in the new growth of a living tree.

The chart and map below show the compatibility of the trees available to order based on  the climates and natural setting of the location. Since we work with clients from all over the country, the full map of the U.S. is shown. Contact us for more information on this item or for questions on our other services.

Tom Golden
Funeral Director
V.T. Golden Funeral Services
www.vtgolden.com
503-364-2257

Wreaths Across America

We wish all who visit this blog page to have a safe and joyful holiday season!
The following program has been a favorite of ours for years. We are providing a message from the sponsors here of the Wreaths Across America program results in December 2012. 

Hooded Sweatshirts, Calendars & Knit Red Hats Available!!!!

Recently added items to the online Wreaths Across America store include the 2012 Wreaths Across America Official Escort navy blue hooded sweatshirt (available in sizes ranging from small to 4XL) and the 2013- 13 Month Calendar featuring photos from past events from across the country.

Also new to the online store is the Wreaths Across America embroidered red knit hat (exactly like the hat given out to children who participate at Arlington National Cemetery).
We have a limited quantity available while supplies last!
To get one of these items, or any of our other logo-ed products visit: http://www.wreathsacrossamerica.org/store/?a=d  

courtesy of Virgil T Golden Funeral Services
Salem, OR
www.VTGOLDEN.com 
503-364-2257

How Can We Help the Newtown Community ?

The recent tragedy in Newtown has evoked a strong response from many in this season of giving. After one of the families that we served asked us how they can help, we are posting this information after contacting the Honan Funeral Home mentioned in an recent blog article. 

They referred us to the Newtown Rotary Club web site where there is a special fund set up to help the community. The information below is from their web site. We hope that this is helpful for anyone reading this blog.

THE NEWTOWN
ROTARY FOUNDATION

ANNOUNCES THE ESTABLISHMENT OF THE NEWTOWN ROTARY 

SANDY HOOK SCHOOL FUND

The fund is dedicated to the victims of the Sandy Hook School tragedy, their families and those in the Newtown community who have been affected, to help support both their short term and long term needs.

Please send your tax deductible contributions to the address below (checks should be made payable to "Newtown Rotary Sandy Hook School Fund")

or through PayPal on our Making a Donation page!

Newtown Rotary Sandy Hook School Fund

PO Box 263

Newtown, CT  06470

For specific details of the Fund's giving policies, click HERE

The Newtown Rotary Foundation is a non-profit, tax-exempt charitable organization under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code. Donations are tax-deductible as allowed by law. 

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The members of the Rotary Club of Newtown wish to express their deepest condolences to all who have suffered a loss as a result of the Sandy Hook School tragedy.